Dreams of Destiny
by yuugi arry
Summary: A collection of song fics and one shots, mostly written for other people or with a good reason.. Mr. P acceptable unless mentioned otherwise.


Ciircl2

Rating: T

Sollux/ Aradia, Sollux/ Gamzee

Warnings: character death, sad thoughts

Summary: Almost a year ago, Sollux had left to visit a friend. When he came back, he found Aradia had choked to death on a grape. Now he's trying to move on and make a future with Gamzee, but regret is still paining him like spiders catching things and eating their insides. Mr.P acceptable.

I smiled lightly to Aradia as she offered me a big bowl of little purple fruit. I declined the offer with a shake of my head and a small 'yuck' face. When we were four my two best friends were eating grapes and one of them, Gamzee, had peeled off the skins which the other, Karkat, ate before I arrived and they waited until I was eating them to tell me they were eyeballs. Never once have I eaten a grape since. Not even for the woman sitting in my lap watching 'Love Me Tender' and explaining how 'it's the first movie that Elvis Presley played in' while popping the oval evil in her mouth.

That reminds me; I need to go to Gamzee's to get the ring. If I planned on proposing tonight, I was going to need the ring. I asked Gamzee to hold on to it. I looked at the movie-just began. Aradia should be properly entertained while I'm gone.

I slip out the door without a word. When I came home, I realized it was the worst thing I ever did. The movie was playing the end. The song 'Love Me Tender' filling the air. Aradia was laying on the ground, eyes wide in horror, face blue and cold. I could tell she was dead by the smell of her emptied bowels and bladder. I called 9-11 and tried to revive her. I managed to only get the grape from her throat. This was the worst New Year's Eve ever.

-

I sat up screaming and instantly Gamzee was holding me, calming me down. I buried my face into his chest and cried. It was the first time since January. It was October now. Almost Halloween. Gamzee usually put peeled grapes out around this time. There wasn't a single grape in sight.

"Hey Sollux, relax. It'll be alright." He mumbled against my hair. He had a habit of using a person's name a lot when they're upset, a way of singling them out against the world and everyone else having the same problem.

"I thhouldn't of left." I whimpered. The dream was so real.

"You didn't know."

"I thhould of thaid thomething to her. A 'Goodbye, I love you' or thomething."

"Sollux calm down, or you're going to throw up." He whispered. I strained to hear him, effectively calming down slowly. "There was nothing you could of done. You didn't know it was going to happen."

The door opened and Karkat stood in the doorway, his white hair a mess and one hand rubbing at his red eyes. "Sollux have a bad dream?" He grumbled. His voice didn't hold the usual bite. He must of just gotten to sleep.

Gamzee ignored him and took my hand and lead me from the room, through the house, and to the back yard. The cold air hit my bare arms and face, making me shiver. He pulled me over to the gate that opened to the forest of Redwood trees. I knew where he was taking me. Years ago a group of us went into the forest and built a giant tree house that stretched out between twenty trees. The sixteen of us spent a lot of time and money on the tree house and repair it when necessary. Dave and Karkat both had to stop Gamzee from adding a fireplace when we were first building it. Finally Eridan had gotten a picture of one to hang up. We call it a comfort zone now. A warm place to sit when someone is hurt and needs a place to 'rest a mother fucker's mother fucking miraculous soul for a spell', according to Gamzee. I looked at him confused.

"Why are we here, Gz?"

"Look around first." He started to look through all the rooms. I refused to do such a thing. He came back and sat down. "We're alone."

"You don't thay? That'th unuthual. Uthually thith place ith packed at two twenty two in the fucking morning." I growl. Why was he bringing me here? Why did he ignore Karkat? Why couldn't he leave me alone?

Was it the same reason he saved me after Aradia's funeral?

-

I sat, crying into my bloody hands on the bed Aradia and I had shared. The pain in my wrist was suppose to help, but it hurt almost as much as his internal pain. I couldn't find a reason to stop the blood though. Aradia wasn't here. Not even the laughing colorful swirls were enough-Or the demons that had entered his room.

He woke up in the hospital with Gamzee yelling at Karkat for saying something wrong. Karkat closed his mouth and sat down, shocked. When Gamzee turned to me I expected him to yell, not whisper. I listen closely when he whispers. It was a calming German song he said his parents had taught him after they moved here. I didn't know why it hypnotized me. I didn't know why it calmed me. I didn't know why he cared. I didn't deserve this. But I soon found I was going to Gamzee a lot. He had a way to make me think that Aradia's death had nothing to do with me. He made me feel okay, less worthless. I wonder if that's why Karkat hangs around him.

For someone so fucked in the head, he was perfect.

I don't remember what happened for awhile. I was only catching glimpses of my life. Gamzee or Karkat making sure I eat. Eridan checking up on me and Nepeta brought a cat over once.

I think it was hit by a car.

At one point Eridan brought me to the river. Gamzee, Karkat, and Feferi was there as well. It was Gamzee who had called out to grab me. I remember that part strangely. I was just swimming in the water when I started thinking about Aradia. I was thinking of her with wings laughing next to me. Then they- the wings- were burning me. Like a fire was in my lungs.

Then I was watching as my body flailed about in the water, coughing, disappearing, and at one point holding it's- my? I don't know- throat. Then Gamzee had looked over just as it started sinking. He had shouted and I watched as Eridan and Feferi, the two closest at the time, dove under. I wasn't sure if I wanted to come out, but I was relieved when they surfaced and Karkat pulled out his phone while Gamzee got me to the shore.

Then I was looking up as Gamzee siphoned the water from my body and lay me on my side, one arm above my head as I choked out the rest. The ambulance came and the doctors said I would be fine.

My heart disagreed.

That's when I started to pray. I'd never believed in God, but I was running out of options. If it wasn't fear, I wouldn't be here. I already wrote a suicide note. I keep it in my sock so Gamzee and Karkat don't find it. That's when I really started noticing Gamzee was always there. Everyday. Without fail. And the pain wasn't so bad.

It was May when I kissed him. And it was a great start to a relationship still going.

But I would give it all up to have Aradia here again.

-

"Gamzee?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you." I gave him a hug.

"I know. I love you to."

"But-."

"You love her more."

"I can give you my heart," I mumbled, trailing off.

"But only in time?" Gamzee guessed. So cute.

"But only jutht to hold it."

"Then I'll hold it close and protect it."

"Don't you dare get thweet and muthhy on me."

"Fine."

I cuddled into his body, laying my head on his shoulder, feeling tired. "I'd give you my thoul but I've already thold it." I mumbled, closing my eyes.

-

I slip out the door without a word. When I came home, I realized it was the worst thing I ever did. The movie was playing the end. The song 'Love Me Tender' filling the air. Aradia was laying on the ground, eyes wide in horror, face blue and cold.

But just as I was about to run to her, I was remembering I had to go to Gamzee's and was leaving again. And the cycle continued. Before long I was starring at a wall, showing me leaving and returning to the dead body made out of the images as though they were on sticky notes being flipped through.

Then Aradia was there. And she held me in a hug. I emptied everything I never said before to her. Sobbing it all out. And she held me as I told her I'll always remember that night and regret it.

I remember her brown eyes. They were so sad in reality. She had been having a bad day. She was just calming down then. And blue skies, her favorite ones because they meant she could waste the day outside, had turned to darkness and night, like how it really was. A rainy night, which is why she was watching T.V.

I always forgot those details. If it was sunny, she would of been gardening with Jade. Or warm and dry even, but it was cold and wet and she was eating grapes.

Aradia pushed my bangs aside and kissed the top of my forehead. "Sollux, I need you to do something for me."

"Anything." I replied and she gave a small smile.

"Allow my memory to live on. Tell my story to your friends and family throughout your life. Keep me alive in memories and dreams." I must of looked confused because she giggled and explained. "I'll live as long as I'm remembered, for a person really dies when all memories of them die. You have a lot of memories of me. Share them. All of them. Except those you promised not to tell.

I knew. Not what she was saying. She didn't want to be forgotten. Why do woman have to have such long explanations? She won't live as in breath or blood or be, but she will still be loved all the same.

I saw her began to fade and held on tighter. I told her I thought she was perfect. She told me something I really needed to hear.

-

I opened my eyes and found Karkat had brought up some blankets while Gamzee and I slept. I stretched and smiled at Gamzee, slowly realizing I now felt ready to move on. Not too fast, but faster then I have been. I moved in with Gamzee and Karkat, selling the house Aradia and I shared ten months ago. It was time to get rid of it. I wanted to forget the pain and I couldn't if I felt like I did the day after she died. All the shock had worn off. I was slowly killing myself. But now I don't have to, because even though it's hard to say everything would be okay, I can finally move forward.

-

I saw her began to fade and held on tighter. I told her I thought she was perfect. She told me she never blamed me.

-

Hey. Okay this was supposed to be the second chapter in this, but I felt it was more important then the original chapter. This was also supposed to be up way earlier, as in Tuesday earlier. I made it as a get well gift for a strong kid (no I don't mean a child, just a young adult.) I don't own Homestuck nor do I own the song I just slaughtered


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